Similar but Different

 

 

Similar but Different 

Who I am matters significantly to decide whom I want to spend time with. 

That is, my friends and my lover tend to be compatible and congenial with me. 

It is said that if you don't want your children to live like how your friends live their life, you should stay away from them. 

When I picture my children living just the way my friends do, I am happily taking it as a blessing.

I am proud of their integrity, talents, characters, and sincerity. 

All the good qualities I desire to resemble.

Then I think about how a lover should be.

Even the guy I have something going on between.

Or even further, guys I would have a date. 

If I don't see him as a seemingly good husband, 

I would be technically wasting my time and energy.

But I spot so many people are just going for casual relationships especially based on their lust and desire. To make themselves satiated, they search for someone that fits their tastes in appearance and sexual chemistry like a hyena. 

Once they find their target, they do their best to get the person by sugarcoating and feigning.

Then if they satisfy their hunger and craving, they look for an alternative to meet their interest.

That kind of lifestyle and my lifestyle are like how distant the East and West are.

I weigh the long-term serious relationship.

And that is why I find husband materials undeniably attractive. 

 

How to tell people from a different love life point of view? 

First, see how they handle conflicts and hardships. 

They can be related to me or just their own circumstances.

If they run away from the problems with self-sabotaging, self-indulgent, or self-seeking ways, flee from him. 

One time, I was with someone who became extremely vulnerable, pessimistic, and indolent facing hard situations. I tried hard to encourage and motivate him but (as we all know) people rarely change unless the change is self-driven. That was the very moment I decided to be with someone who is mentally solid and reliable. 

Second, look into when they express their feelings and affection toward me the most. 

Is it when they are physically attracted to me? 

In that case, they tend to admire my beauty, more outward than inward. 

Additionally, I feel like if they are obsessed with their appearance and lack confidence, they fall for visual aspects a lot and lose interest easily as beauty fades (or even compares with others, just like they do to themselves).

When do I feel the most loved personally?

It is absolutely not the moment when there's any sexual tension going on.

Under the trees, 

on the night walks,

at an ice cream shop.

At just a random place,

some breathtaking interactions can arise.

In those kinds of moments, my whole nerves and attentions are narrowed down to him and everything else comes to be muted and veiled. 

My quirky jokes and his unbearable laughter.

An in-depth conversation about past and future, sharing every present together.

Feelings of safety, inspiration, and impression thanks to his consolation and adoration.

Long-lasting deeper talks for reconciliation full of honesty without ego after conflicts.

Sharing the most traumatic and vulnerable sides of life and being healed by one another. 

Those seemingly-ordinary but extraordinary occasions make me feel blessed and blissful.

So, I should ask myself.

Would we be able to share those moments invariably?

Or would he want something else unceasingly?

Lastly, if they doubt and ask frequently why I love them, they are indecisive in loving themselves, which definitely leads to the way they love somebody. 

There was a guy who asked me so many times, "Why do you like me? Tell me the reasons every day. I don't understand why you like me."

He was even telling me that "I'm afraid of hurting you." 

How this story ends is obvious. 

He would continuously focus on the conditions to love or be loved, rather than relishing the joy of loving and being loved by someone. 

He would excessively worry about hurting me, rather than finding how to make me happy.

Such a cliche, but it is true that how they treat themselves reflects how they treat others. 

We can simply figure it out.

How they organize their environment: kitchen, bathroom, bed, curtains, and veranda.

How they view their friends: what they do when they hang out, how sincere he considers his friendships.

How they talk to themselves: the extent of self-affirmation or self-justification.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary,

Congeniality stands for the state of having the same nature, disposition, or taste.

Compatibility stands for the capability of existing together in harmony. 

"In psychology, harmony refers to a positive state of inner peace, calmness, and balance, as well as the feeling of being tuned with the world." (from SpringerLink)

To find someone congenial and compatible with me, 

I need to look for both similarities and differences at the same time.

Similarities between us bring congeniality by having corresponding aspects for better agreements and communication. 

On the other hand, differences between us bring compatibility by bridging gaps through each other's dissimilar strengths and weaknesses so that we can feel at home being together, coming from rapport and cooperation. 

Similar life values, 

but different life specialties.

Similar codes of humor,

but different coping abilities in front of adversity.

Similar hobbies and tastes,

but different personality 

Similar ways of picturing the future,

but different objectives to be inspired by one another. 

Those are the similar and different qualities I've been seeking.