Before Sunrise: Before we wake up from a love dream

 

Before Sunrise: Before we wake up from a love dream

It was the second time watching the movie Before Sunrise.

The first time was based on its popularity as a classic romantic movie.

But this time was different.

I was drawn to the movie 

as I thought it might be able to articulate what I feel about love nowadays.

And this private motivation let me aroused and inspired far more than the first time.

The moment Jesse and Celine took off the train and headed to the bridge in Vienna for the first time, 

their starry eyes made me have teary eyes. 

And when they promised not to exchange numbers and consider it the special night only, I also cried a bit as I saw sadness and frustration they managed to hide in their eyes. 

Both in the movie and in reality, having a predictable conclusion in mind always disheartens me.

Silence they shared in a tight space.

Silliness they encountered on the street.

Storytelling they superposed onto each other.

Special feelings of being a main character in one another's dreams.

During all those tickling and dreamlike moments, 

they also share their fears and doubts about love and life.

Being seen as a manipulative or stupid person.

Having different points of view in considering the very night they only had.

They were so much involved in their romanticism but also from time to time, they had unknown anxiety of being on the different pages. 

That is why...

Giving confirmation in a relationship matters the most.

The conviction that s/he loves me wholeheartedly. 

The consolation that s/he cares for me even in all the ugliness.

The commitment that s/he feels ready to promise and actualize.

The consent that s/he is willing to spend time together as much as one wants.

The connection that s/he has tightly by trust and adoration beyond space and time.

The fear and anxiety of denial and abandonment can smother us, especially when we are trying to figure out where I and the counterpart are at. 

Nevertheless, Jesse and Celine both made it.

They did have fears but they shared what they are afraid of and how they feel about each other.

Even though both Jesse and Celine pretended to prefer the so-called "mature and rational" way of thinking about spending a night together without meeting again,

they confessed their true eagerness last minute. 

There cannot be just a "one-time" lasting encounter if it is love. 

We always long for love to stay as long as possible, if we genuinely love the one.

To love and be loved sincerely and thoroughly.

But if we keep hiding that longing and pretend cool based on doubts and worries about all the unknown,

we are never going to relish and cherish what deeper love can do to us. 

Falling in love is easy.

Appearance can make each other attracted heavily 

and atmosphere can stimulate intensely.

And all the charms they unveil boost intense feelings ongoing.

Still, what makes true love is to put effort into carrying on words and actions for love.

And we all know it requires pretty much panic and sacrifice.

Fighting for love, getting to know and embracing each other, putting one's ego to sleep,

and choosing what makes one happier rather than myself is not painless but priceless.

.

.

.

Jesse told that if someone gets to know him entirely, she would be sick of him as he is. 

But Celine told that she thinks she can truly love someone when she knows everything, literally every detail about him.

If I were Jesse, who has similar fears to me, I would be touched and relieved by what she said. 

But ironically, they just met each other a day before.

Despite that, they already fell in love with one another.

How can it be possible?

I think there are two big stages of love.

Falling in love,

and going deeper in love.

Falling in love is instant.

But going deeper in love takes a way longer time.

Falling in love is easy.

But going deeper in love is tricky and difficult.

Falling in love gives you butterflies.

But going deeper in love gives you comfort.

Some people confuse falling in love with committed love.

Some people also confuse going deeper in love with ennui.

Falling in love is closer to lust and fantasy.

Going deeper in love is closer to trust and friendship.

Falling in love can spark a lot of energy to go through harder stages to be stable and steady in love.

But people tend to get sick of the time without butterflies and excitement.

In the next series, Before Sunset, Celine burst into tears with anger that after all the dreamlike outbursts of love and affection with Jesse came over, she could not find anyone whom she could love like that. 

She felt left out and hopeless with the misery that she will never be able to experience vivid and extraordinary love. 

And Jesse compromised with the desire to be stable as a married man rather than pursuing what he truly has longed for, Celine. 

Although he published the book about the one night he spent with Celine so that he can have a slim chance to meet her again through the book. 

Should we blame their naivety for not having shared their numbers in the first place?

Should we feel regretful that Celine could not keep the promise due to her grandmother's funeral?

Should we feel bummed because Jesse got married to a woman and raised two kids?

What would I have done if I were them?

I honestly don't have enough conviction and confidence not to share numbers in the time of farewell.

But I would be still feeling grateful that I was able to relish once-in-a-lifetime moments of feeling surreal passionate love and romanticism.

 "I guess when you’re young, you just believe there’ll be many people with whom you’ll connect. Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times."

We never listen to the old wise sayings. 

We overlook and believe in our gut feelings and egos much more than we should. 

We endlessly compare, evaluate, and take it lightly.

Then a question popped up after the movie.

At the beginning of a relationship, we feel like we can do everything.

But as time goes on, it changes and blurs.

Before we wake up from dreamlike moments together,

what should we do to take action beforehand?

What makes it more feasible and possible for both lovers to actually go through all the long-lasting commitment and painstaking journey toward a solid love? 

I once thought that I should love my partner less because loving with a full of my heart brought more heartbreaking pains after it scattered.

However, I realized that I just cannot fake or pretend to love less than I do feel.

What brings me joy and bliss in the relationship is not only being loved but loving someone. 

Every time I fell in love, I committed myself to his happiness and tried my best in loving him and expressing love in many ways. But I used to feel disappointed when they come to seem dull and distant, different from their romantic mode in the beginning. 

And I became more cautious in falling in love and staying loving. 

My body and soul unconsciously remember how it feels to be less and less loved as time goes on. 

How can both he and she stay in love without being afraid of entering the phase of stability and a seemingly humdrum state?

How can we take action for a long-term commitment in advance in the phase of love sparks?

Just like Celine said, we need to get to know each other deeply and thoroughly.

We should not be reluctant to open up our ugliness and vulnerability.

Not only fancy dates outside but also mundane natural times together do we need significantly.

We should stare at one another's natural faces, teardrops, mental breakdowns, and old habits.

Once we agree that we are not perfect but we get along well by being compatible and congenial, it slowly but steadily turns the relationship into a solid long-lasting friendship. 

All the romantic and blissful moments (even hurtful as they are too beautiful) in the first movie Before Sunrise are mesmerizing. 

But what I want more from a relationship is honest and lingering adoration in Before Sunset. 

Before I end writing,

I make up my mind to keep two things in loving someone.

First, love deeply and express it without regrets. 

Find what makes him happier and feel the greatest happiness from doing that.

Second, do not be afraid of showing darkness and weaknesses.

Embracing his shortcomings and ugliness accompanies chances to support him and grow up together. Take it as a grateful chance. (Of course only when they are serious red flags)

Keep in mind that I can truly love someone the most 

when I know everything about him. 

And... vice versa, of course!