Are distorted memories really bad?

 

Are distorted memories really bad?

The <500 Days of Summer> is a well-made movie describing the reality of falling in and out of love and the disparity between different points of view in relationships. 

And one of the most well-known quotes from the movie is the following. 

“I know you think she was the perfect girl for you… I don't. 

I think you're just remembering the good stuff.”

It was a familiar line that I was also told by somebodies before.

After the parting that feels like the end of this life or true happiness, we begin to have personal stages.

Anger.

Frustration.

Grief.

Self-consolation.

Being super cool about it.

Feeling empty and devastated.

Regrets.

Betrayal.

And as time goes on, 

mine especially was penetrated by homesickness and following longings because he was the only one who made me feel at home entirely. 

Losing him was just like losing my shelter, playground, and bedroom to chill out and be my best self.

The sole thing I have been able to do was cherish him and all the reminiscence we shared. 

Once I fought tooth and nail to be out of the past romantic moments as it gave me a gloomy mood as soon as I realize they are in vain. 

Despite that, I came to fall in love in a weird and scary way in experiencing other people and reflecting on the specialty of the person. 

Funnily, I was trapping myself in a never-ending love story that is tragic at the same time. 

But it was easier to be in a time machine to the spring and summer of 2021 than be honest with myself about the fact that there is no way to find someone like him and I cannot fall in love easily again like that.

The more I forgave him and myself and fall into the bygones deeply, 

the more past memories turned to distorted fantasies.

It seemed that I am willingly living in the past in terms of love.

No matter how I tried to convert my affection to another, 

it became pointless and rather evident that my heart is pointing the other.

And after watching the movie the other day,

at the end of the movie, I talked to myself that the reason why I was being chained to the old lover is that my memories were distorted only focusing on exceptional, flawless, and heart-warming ones.

But then again, I found out that in most cases, 

if I left someone behind, I barely remember or almost only remember bad memories.

I never have chewed on past memories over and over again like this.

Then I ask myself what the reason is. 

It is said that what is important in a relationship is how the person makes me feel, not the words or behaviors as they will be engraved under the ground. 

The reason why I have been into the cycle of way back to love is 

that how he made me feel was intense, invaluable, and innumerable.

No matter what kind of argument we had, 

it made us tighter within hours or minutes.

Therefore, it was not due to the distortion I made
but the distinctiveness we had. 

My face filled with smiles and satisfaction looked special.

My songs enlightened by your sincere notes and lyrics of love sounded ringing.

My youth rewarded with a bunch of dreamy utopian moments became one-of-a-kind.

My doubts about the worth of being loved have rigorous refutations from the cases where you were the key.

My identity as a lover has been defined firmly as a passionate, genuine, and pure dedicator, which will be everlasting in your memories.

The point is, I will not try to fix the distortion I have in the time we had together. 

The good times are part of me that cannot be erased forever.

There is no reason to suppress flashbacks full of bliss and zeal.

It doesn't mean that I will live like a widow, shutting all the doors in front of others.

But I will keep in mind that I do not need to be in a rush or under pressure to find the one.

I will never give my heart and enthusiasm again easily to a person who cannot appreciate my love. 

Nevertheless, when the moody dawn and gloomy me-time come to me out of the blue, I will rather enshrine and cavort in the other-worldly park you designed and built for me. 

With composure and margin that I can afford for another long-lasting playground, without jumping into any irrelevant person for my well-being, let's see how the next/last true love will come. 💌