I am the one who will eventually carry out anything

 

I am the one who will eventually carry out anything

I was diagnosed with severe hyperthyroidism this week. 

• Losing weight without trying.
• Fast heartbeat, a condition called tachycardia.
• Irregular heartbeat also called arrhythmia.
• Pounding of the heart, sometimes called heart palpitations.
• Increased hunger.
• Nervousness, anxiety and irritability.
• Tremor, usually a small trembling in the hands and fingers.
• Sweating.
• Changes in menstrual cycles.
• Increased sensitivity to heat.
• Enlarged thyroid gland, sometimes called a goiter, which may appear as a swelling at the base of the neck.
• Tiredness.
• Muscle weakness.
• Sleep problems.
• Fine, brittle hair.

Those are the symptoms of hyperthyroidism. 

It has affected me intensely in many ways so far, especially for the last few months.

Aware of my mental problems such as harsh anxiety, nervousness, and busy brain,

I have tried to make it better by counseling, reading, refreshing my brain, meeting my friends, working hard, and so on.

However, I never ever thought all of those annoying states are deeply connected to my body, even a genetic illness.

People say that I should take care of myself and be stress-free.

But... if I can and know how to actually do it, 

why would I become this much ill?

I have literally no idea how to look after myself.

On the other hand,

I feel truly grateful that I was able to find out about this serious illness before I go abroad long term. 

What if I didn't figure it out and all the psychological and physical symptoms harassed me harshly?

Speaking of psychological effects, 

I was told that if I keep taking pills to soothe hyperthyroidism, then I will definitely be better in every symptom, including mental issues.

I felt understood, relieved, and began to look forward to being a better me.

But yesterday, I had severe whole-body pain including a 38.1 fever. 

Thankfully, my dear old friend took me to the hospital and he even paid for all the medical treatment. 

Additionally, my boyfriend came to the hospital even though he made me feel so disappointed by not picking my calls up. 

So I felt weirdly happy and hilarious that I got two people taking care of me. 

I appreciated it so much. Thank God.

But then again I could not go to the job interview that was supposed to be at lunch today.

I felt like I lost a nice chance to earn money temporarily.

Once I even thought God might have led me to get this job.

But as I was too sick to handle, I guess God wanted to make me keep in mind that this is not the phase for me to work just like the doctor said. 

Yesterday, I met a teacher from the International People's College. 

He shared his life story which was full of coincidences that led him to connect the dots of beautiful encounters and opportunities. 

We sympathized that when we look back then we can figure out how this and that has affected our journey in unpredictable, one-of-a-kind, and wonderful ways. 

At this point, I believe that all the demanding situations that are happening to me right now are not pointless at all. 

I am in this time and location with those people who care for me for some reason.

I am taking my time and effort off because I never willingly did it in my whole life and this is going to be a crucial stage of my life in the upcoming future.

Last but not least,

as a part of coincidence,

I got to the cafe that the friend recommended for me today, named "Gong Myeong".

The first impression was ideally fascinating.

They were playing the Damons Year's songs loudly. 

They had this gigantic bookshelf full of the same book, <The one who manages anything eventually>.

And the first few pages earned my heart and soul.

"Do not fear or worry.

Nothing has happened yet.

Even though it does happen, 

things would be manageable by your own strength."

"Eventually, the greatest way to complete the marathon running longer and longer is

to go forward at my own pace without crossing the line of exhaustion. 

It would go for our lives in the same way too. 

Just like losing our pace not to fall behind someone

and following others' paces, not mine, leading us to be drained and frazzled.

The pivotal thing is to keep in mind that we are heading somewhere we want to,

do not be anxious but identify my own tempo. 

Despite some pauses, we will eventually get to the point. "

Therefore,

I now declare 

that this is the timing 

of settling, not spending.

of enjoying, not endeavoring.

of waiting, not wrestling.