Being an important person in someone's adversity

Being an important person in someone's adversity

I am an overthinker.

Over sympathizer.

Overly meddlesome.

Overly emotional and sentimental.

Those characteristics of me seemed just a dragger to me that made me struggle unnecessarily.

I often become moody from one's words, behaviors, or even the atmosphere.

I get too obsessed with the troubles of those whom I love and care for.

And that leads me to meddle with them, which can be a minus for the relationship.

When people like my family, friends, or students look down or pull a long face,

I cannot help but approach them or hesitate around them with a strong longing for helping, supporting, and listening to them. 

It is pretty burdensome at times.

I get unduly anxious or upset especially if the one is trying to hide from me without sharing.

That is one of my weak points.

I need to give them space or composure to be ready or willing to get my aid.

Some people call it "people-pleasing".

I never thought that I make fake smiles or behave in a pretentious way.

I never do that to those who do not deserve my care and attention. 

But I may do that unconsciously to those whom I desire to be close to. 

Back then, when I had a psychology analysis session with my mom for fun,

the counselor said that superficially, I am seen as a person who has high energy in treating others amiably and vigorously. 

However, at the deeper level, I do not have that trait as my original feature.

I learned how to be delightful and sociable by growing up in society, specifically as a teacher.

That is why when I communicate with somebody and do not get enough reaction or affection in return as I expect, I become anxious or defensive. 

This similarly applies to situations when someone acts pretty much friendly and lovingly.

Then I unconsciously remember that I have some amounts of overly reflected emotions,

and think that the counterpart might be the same as me in showing inauthentic emotions. 

Then again, occasionally, I find myself feeling unintentionally awkward and uncomfortable 

in front of some people, trying to show my best self by spreading the maximum energy.

On the other hand, I discover myself being my genuine and imperfect self

with other people

by being quiet sometimes, 

listening to a lot,

and revealing my insecurities or concerns.

That kind of moment gives me energy. 

But the former situation wears me out. 

Additionally, 

there are some people who can make the best out of my traits.

I can be nosy, talkative, or dramatic 

but with those who see the values in me,

they earn euphoria in the time being with me.

Reversely, those who take my energy for granted,

most of them appreciate my concerns and efforts to have supported them at my best 

after I became hurt and detached.

They say that I was such a vital being to recover from hardships and be happy.

My words, the conversations we had, and the energy I gave to them.

They say it meant a lot. 

I do feel grateful and happy in being told like that.

But I need someone who can directly and instantly realize my worth and express their gratitude. 

As I do weigh being there for the people whom I take care of a lot,

I bet that I would be in this way for my entire life.

Sensing sadness,

approaching with affection,

listening from my loving heart,

and putting my great effort to encourage and relieve them.

The highest priority in my life would be the same too.

Being "the" person for those who are suffering, let alone as a teacher for the students who need that.

Looking back, 

people whom I steadily love and care about in the long run are those who enjoyed and welcomed my characters without one single exception. 

Owing to their appreciation,

I live my life with fruits and fulfillment.

They are my living rewards.

Once again, I also feel grateful that I have had them until now and will do forever.

Who will be the next my people-to-be?

Excited already!

What will be the next bunch of stories I will make with them?

Ups we shared and downs we went through together.

Those anecdotes will feed and reward me til the end.

I promise to be the one who can be thoughtful, loving, understanding, and sincere

first to myself, and then to all of you. 

💞