"You are already late", the most reassuring advice.

 

"You are already late", the most reassuring advice.

I have felt pressured by the plans and ambitions that I have held. 

I have put effort and time into pursuing and making them real. 

But with time going on, I began to be blinded by unpredictability and the possibility of failure.

People around me used to express their awe and respect for my life story so far.

I seemed pretty promising and courageous to them, which is partly true. 

Whenever they commended my life goals, I reacted with humility and appreciation.

But never thought that their remarks and reactions would chain me with so many burdens unconsciously. 

I have been shaped by what I have done, leaving me with additional work and plans to actualize further. 

As I have been, I made solid objectives and plans for the next year.

I have broken my neck in working, studying, and being prepared in some ways. 

The thing is I have never felt "enough and enabled".

I have been told that I am inspiring and adventurous. 

But what I have faced with myself was a cowardly, over-worrying, little girl. 

I questioned myself frequently with broadening details.

"What if I burden my parents?"

"What if I end up staying the same or delayed?"

"What if people think I have wasted my time and efforts?"

"What if it turns out that I am no more adventurous but timid?"

"What if I am not prepared to teach abroad?"

"What if I meet the wrong people in the wrong places?"

and so on and on and on..

I am aware that they are not YET happened and seem pretty untrue.

But I became obsessed with the darker, unknown sides of the future upcoming. 

And then I came across the chance to talk about my worries frankly to a few pals,

and one of them kinda offensively said that

I am already late and doing wrong. 

I was pretty upset and people were being anxious about our conversation. 

But later on, with further explanation that melted straightforward and not polite remarks from that friend, who is always that way, I realized that I felt way better with fresh inspiration. 

To be specific,

I was unconsciously being so concerned about falling behind what I should be.

Then again, it might be I was being too passive to challenge myself like in the twenties. 

Once he mentioned so frankly, I took off the burdens in my backpack I had carried through the entire journey. 

I wanted to be perfect as possible, aware of all the possibilities, and ready in many ways at my best. 

But we know that it is impossible. 

On the other hand, when I become laid-back and jump into the league so that I can finally figure out my current stance on what I can do and what I deserve, I can adjust to reality and develop myself with strategy without unnecessary pessimistic guesses about my potential and future. 

So he said, what I TARGET THE MOST. 

Not a few stuff, but just ONE AND ONLY. 

I immediately said that my objective is to experience and learn abroad so that I can enlarge my spectrum of classes in the future for my potential students. 

Then it became clear that I do not need to be obsessed with the neat standard procedure to earn it. 

I decided to take this route to EXPERIENCE not to orient myself to society's view. 

After that refreshment,

I regained the energy to explore unimaginable likelihoods and opportunities.

All I can do is not what I SHOULD do or NEED to do, but what I LONG FOR.

Then it can be my own one-of-a-kind life story and that must be what I was looking for to inspire my future students. As I can lead them by example and experience, that can be the best material for teaching. 

So I am no longer afraid of being late. 

Because I might already be late for what I should have done.

Now, I am no longer a slave of worries and burdens of duties.

Instead, I can concentrate on the fact that it is okay to fail, fall behind, and fuck up. 

Because living at twenty-four is wandering to discover something valuable and once-in-a-lifetime! 

Breaking away from the yoke of tardiness,

I would rather choose to go for a ramble,

plenarily enjoying the journey that must include yet nameless company and indescribable episodes just waiting for me to arrive. 

Last but least,

I am already enough with my ultimate one-and-only purpose

to launch my exploration

and just keep it in mind!

That I should just chill out 

because I am too young to achieve all I desire and hope to do, and expect to be. 

I'm on the move.