Ugly is not a word to describe you

 Ugly is not a word to describe you

Last Thursday, the schools I work for shortened school hours 

due to the national college entrance exam. 

Thanks to that, 

I sneakily brought my student to a nearby Japanese noodles restaurant to treat him. 

Deciding what to eat,

he was being so hesitant by being obsessed with caring for me too much, 

saying "What is your pick?" "You are going to treat me with your money? I don't deserve it."

And then finally he chose 우동 as the lunch menu.

On our way restaurant, we found that the one we were heading is the one-and-only restaurant that he used to visit alone or with friends from time to time. 

More than I expected, the atmosphere of the place and the heart-warming cook greeted us happily but peacefully.

And as I took off a mask so that I could drink water, 

he seemed more or less frustrated and reluctant. 

Before he opened his heavy mouth, I read the room that he was being afraid of showing his bare face for the first time to me within the distance of a table. 

Instantly, I was thinking about how I should react or encourage him. 

And before long, he mumbled. 

"Teacher, please do not shock because of my ugliness."

That was the sentence that I had never heard in my entire life

and made me feel so embarrassed, sorry, and concerned that so many potential sentences popped into my brain to answer his remark inoffensively and kindly. 

"Hey (  ), I would never think you are ugly and I am not a person like that. You might as well feel free and easy to take off your mask. It's okay."

And then with rabbit's eyes, he slowly took off the mask. 

I glanced at him and he looked nothing ugly or wrong AT ALL. 

No one could tell him that he was bad-looking.

Rather, he had cute cheeks and a small mouth that looked well suited to a teenager with his original nature. 

I did not say any comment to his face, like "You look handsome!" as it was not appropriate.

But I became anxiously curious about how he came to that conclusion with what kinds of triggers.

'Was it because of his typical teenager pimples on his cheeks?'

'Someone inconsiderate told him that before in some way?'

'Did he get bullied by his naughty pupils in the past?'

'Did his pessimistic disposition affect his point of view about his appearance?'

I did nothing but be usual to show that he is the same being for me, with a mask or not. 

Before I try to fix his misconception about himself, 

I need to first figure out what being UGLY genuinely means. 

Being ugly is to overlook a chance to care for others, not only for oneself.

But I know that you take care of others' feelings thoughtfully.

Being ugly is to reveal any words and phrases in one's mind without filtering.

But I recognize that you have second thoughts before you finally make a voice.

Being ugly to be caught by daydreams or pleasures. 

But I learn that you are serious, steady, and selfless in pursuing your dream.

Being ugly is to postpone expressing love and care toward dear people.

But I remember that you had the courage 

to display your appreciation and affection for the beloved.

Finally,

Being truly ugly is to give up on your life, people, and chances to learn and grow up.

But I could witness that despite all the struggles and battles you have had,

you slowly but steadily have endured and overcame hard feelings 

your past had marked on your heart.

So, my dear disciple and friend,

I wish you could clearly see how you are not ugly at all.

I wish you could realize that and see every bit and big beauty in you. 

I wish you could also discover incalculable and uncountable beauty 

in your life

in your potential ahead of you,

in this messy but mesmerizing world, 

and in every breathing being 

including the ones that have not yet admitted their beauty like you once did.