Promises

 Promises 

A student had promised me to talk to his grandmother to deliver his appreciation.

Also, I proposed that he write some journals to express his feelings so that he can practice writing lyrics for his dream goal, to be a rapper. 

A month later,

we met and I thought he might have remembered the promises or not, 

and he might have kept the promises or not.

Either he did or not, 

I was ready to encourage him in any way to make him have the courage through the experience of small successes. 

And to my joy, he said he did talk to his grandmother,

saying that he is grateful that his grandmother has taken care of him for a long.

And she said that I also thank you that you did not take the wrong path but have grown up well so far. 

I was deeply impressed by his remark and asked if he also cried after the conversation.

He said that he almost did, but tried hard not to cry.

So I said that you are now motivating me and better than me because I should express my gratitude to my family like you did. 

With this conversation with him, I felt the bliss that made me feel rewarded and connected to my life values. 

But what if I expected him to keep all the promises? Including writing journals that he actually did not do that much?

Then I must have felt a bit disappointed and lost sight of being in the appreciation and bliss through his challenge and the fruits of love that he gained through his relationship with me. 

I cannot say that I do not make pledges often.

Rather, I think I am more of pledging a lot to my people to make them feel cared for, concerned, and loved.

But whenever I forgot to do or prioritized my duty over promises for others,

I felt deeply guilty and sorry.

On the other hand, when I confront discouraging situations from broken promises,

I felt a lack of affection, betrayal from my anticipation, and all kinds of negative emotions sometimes.

That is why I have reminded myself of the two-sided faces of promises;

the most arousing and romantic remarks, 

but the most heart-breaking vanity full of despondency.

As I grow up and pass my twenties from early to mid,

I get less willing to make pledges and less seduced by others' pledges.

Still, it is hard to shake off and turn my eyes from what others want to reassure and guarantee,

due to the intense feeling of being considered as a part of one's future and dedication.

Promises confirm that somebody does picture the future related to my happiness.

Promises penetrate my insecurities that are full of doubt, anxiety, and fear of rejection.

Promises make me feel special, refreshed, and dazzled enough to make sure self-worth.

Promises take a role to defy all the unpredictability and coercion of life with the naive pride 

of thinking that we can make the future by our desires and dreams relying on each other.

However,

as I begin to look forward to the future from the promises of someone,

then it drives me to call for tangible plans and actions to one, which is quite uncontrollable and unsettled. 

That means the best I can handle is 

accept the intention and feeling of the person who makes a promise 

but do not trust or anticipate the promise to become real. 

Just cherish 

that the promises contain the courage, consideration, and cost the person is determined to pay for.

 

But forget the exact words of promises, 

rather keep in mind the feelings that the person's heart delivered to me,

which was warmth, love, sincerity, dedication, carefulness, audacity, and bliss.

Then it gets easier.

Take the feelings seriously.

Do not count on the future that the promises might have triggered to imagine.

Just interact with a wholeheartedness that can be expressed in many ways other than another promise.

Be free from the heart-breaking experiences of broken promises.

Because broken promises can mean

that they did not deserve me, they were not my perfect match, 

and I was able to get another chance to live a better unknown future. 

So the phrase promises were meant to be is half true but half false.

What meant to be was not the promises but the people. 

And promises to be broken can be meant to be re-established 

depending on the new life that we could not expect as short-sighted human beings.

Leave the broken promises behind

and let the new promises flow with the ever-changing life.