Defense Mechanism: reaction to those who dislike me

 

Defense Mechanism: reaction to those who dislike me

Defense mechanisms are behaviors people use to separate themselves from unpleasant events, actions, or thoughts. 

Let's say you encountered someone.

You and he/she got to know each other.

You and he/she became "we".

Getting closer and more intimate, you begin to express your feelings toward your words, attitudes, vibes, and all the details you can change to make him/her feel beloved. 

You feel adored in return soon. 

Time goes on. 

Ups and downs are going on with the counterpart.

You still care for, adore, and even love him/her.

But unfortunately, you have a gut feeling that he/she comes to be different day by day, hour by hour. 

What would you do?

Strive for the best affection that you can get from him/her?

Or compromise your true feelings to make up for your pride?

Such as pretending that you also became bored and sick in the relationship.

And you start fooling yourself that you do become dislike all the atmosphere and habits of him/her. 

The way of taking, walking, digging in dishes, and minor attributes that you actually were drowned to firmly in the first place but got tired of. 

So, you technically use one of the defense mechanisms named ... 

Reaction formation

People who use this defense mechanism recognize how they feel, but they choose to behave in the opposite manner of their instincts.

So from time to time.. we treat a hatred of others with the opposite reaction of what I originally felt. Also we reflect our feelings of dislike into pretending we are all good with someone and serve them well. 

But what I wanted to make a record today is about my God Father. 

I've felt detached with him so far for quite a long time. 

I've lived my life with my own will, determination, and expectations to make everyday choices. 

Ultimately I've unconsciously (sometimes consciously) worried about God's point of view. As I seemed the opposite of what He might want me to live like.

I became unwilling, repudiative, and even threatened with the ceaseless thoughts that I am not enough, I don't deserve, and He might dislike me. 

I began to doubt my affections toward God that I used to have in the past. I was not sure about my dedications. It was actually obvious that I've been acting differently. 

As time goes on, I lost track of time when I began to feel this way and just compromised that I don't know how to get through all the stuff to go back to where I was. 

Although I can write down and agree about God's unconditional love and feel grateful about it, I deeply concerned about it. I questioned if God does love me still. I was lack of confidence. 

However, today in the worship, the pastor delivered that 

"You got the wrong idea about God's feeling toward you. 

He does love you still even though you have decided to go away from God numerous times. 

He seek for you even though you ran away from His love. 

He never gives up to get you back.  

He constantly makes you remember his pledges.

So keep in mind your name, Daughter of God."

My name is Hani Kang, which means "strong one".

I forgot the pledge included within my name: 

I can make you stronger. 

You are secure within me. 

You will win the battles."

He has never left me. 

He has never felt sick and tired of me.

He has never lost hopes in my potential. 

He has never changed His plans and pledges. 

He has never doubted His unceasing love toward every aspect of me,
even including all my sins, mistakes, and weaknesses. 

So, just keep in mind.

No matter how I misunderstand or define God's love wrong, 

God is not what I define. 

God is never changing. 

Only changes what I feel, sense, and think. 

Don't dwell on my defense mechanisms that will keep me away from God's true stance. 

Keep in mind.

You Are Strong.

You Are Beloved.

You Are Never Going to be Left Alone. 

God Got Your Back.