I wish I had known it then

 

I wish I had known it then

One day, a simultaneous lunch with a new friend brought me insight. 

While having Maratang together, we shared each other's life stories. 

He has worked as a soldier in USFK, and he had never imagined that life would bring him to take the journey.

To make a long story short, as he arrived in America without any solid plan, he was accidentally scanning the notice about the recruitment of the army, coming up with random humor stuff concerning the army.

At that moment, a stranger, a huge robust black soldier tapped his shoulder and asked that "do u have any interest in it?". With embarrassment, he answered that "Not really. I'm too old to do this".

And the soldier laughed and said that "Why not? It's not a big deal. You can do it" with full of confidence.

So after that trivial but life-changing conversation, he indeed did join that way of life, a totally new path. 

The thing is he never regretted about that call and felt deeply grateful. 

And he told me another short story.

One of his co-workers in the army was much younger than he is.

So, with a sort of regrets, he told him that "what if I were aware of this route several years earlier? It must have been satisfying and better than starting later like this as I could enjoy longer than I had done."

But his friend said,

"I don't think you should regret it. Becase you have never wasted your time. You have been dedicated to different but meaningful things so far."

This made me realize again that even though I, from time to time, regret that what I have learned or appreciated should have came earlier than this. 

However, it is true that without the long wandering journey to finally arrive at where I am and who I am right now, I would never be able to rejoice in my current state of mind and life.  

Although I have had struggles caused by not knowing whatever I should have recognized then, 

now that I know quite a lot things that I have earned without any shortcuts. 

What if I took the other way,

what if I chose another option,

what if I did not say or behave like that,

what if I began to experience it earlier,

what if I were more mature and wise...

all the 'what if's are in vain. 

And there's a masterpiece poem of Martha Smock, which always gives me intuition whenever I reread.

NO OTHER WAY by Martha Smock

Could we but see the pattern of our days,

We should discern how devious were the ways

By which we came to this, the present time,

This place in life; and we should see the climb

Our soul has made up through the years.

We should forget the hurts, the wanderings, the

fears, the wastelands of our life, and know

That we could come no other way or grow into

our good without these steps our feet found hard

to take, our faith found hard to meet. The road

of life winds on, and we like travelers go from

Turn to turn until we come to know the truth.

So I would not choose to think that "I wish I had known it then".

I would rather choose to embrace that "Thanks to my ignorance in the past, I have been able to relish trials and errors with changes from growth."