Anxiety

 

Anxiety

Yesterday I met a friend.

I asked her, "why do I become so anxious sometimes, even though there is no evident reason for that?"

and she said, 

"It is because you have chosen to take a path of your own,

 a unique and eventful way without any doubt.

You challenge yourself in many ways to strive for your solid objectives. 

If you become anxious, it does not mean that you are weak but that you are on the right track."

Out of the blue, anxiety comes. 

In a situation that might be a trigger for that but seems so trivial, 

I become stiff and puzzled facing that sudden apprehension.

When I think that I do not have enough time to do all the duties, 

when someone says something unexpectedly hurtful to me,

when things are going the other way around from what I expected,

when I become moody for no reason,

I become anxious. 

Everything seems so bright in the light of looking at the forest of my life.

I got a high score,

I was awarded an excellence prize,

I have many people who can give aid for my future,

I have the plan A, B, and C for my near future,

I am always goal-driven and know what I desire.

Therefore, whenever I felt anxious all of a sudden, 

I felt vulnerable because I don't deserve to feel anxious. 

I pushed myself to keep going on what I should do. 

But the conversation reminded me of the path I chose to follow.

It is far from normal.

It is different from safety and stability.

But it is near to my inner passion and purpose of my life.

It is close to the best I can do for the people whom I love and I take responsibility. 

So it meant that I can be anxious without any doubt. 

Sometimes I can just sit down and relax to gain enough energy.

Socrates said, "the unexamined is not worth living."

Anxiety brought me an unavoidable chance to look back on and diagnose myself 

not to be panicked and fainted by living like a racehorse. 

Nietzsche said that "Amor Fati - love your fate, which is in fact your life."

Once you decided to take the path, you should embrace no matter what you confront,

by recognizing that every circumstance is necessary for you. 

The bottom line is, 

even facing anxiety from time to time is a necessity to love my fate. 

Also, do not strive for naming the cause of the anxiety. 

Just live with it. 

Consider it as a valuable and instinctive signal to have a euphoric time.

Go grab a coffee in a random fascinating cafe. 

Get ready and feel the breeze with a mellow melody.

Light upon flattering clothes in a vintage shop.

Scan a bunch of titles and spot the destined books in a secondhand bookstore.

Have a chat with a smiley face and learn from a conversation by infecting your warmth. 

When anxiety calls for those countless euphoric moments out of nowhere, 

then just welcome that unpleasant but farsighted inner sage

and treat her with your best.